FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE                         


CONTACT:
Roderick Nerberger, III
CommGlobalTeleVista
214-289-7729
littlerod.nerberger@commglobaltelevista.com
http://www.commglobaltelevista.com

CommGlobalTeleVista Announces Lower Payroll, Sponorship of Boys & Girls Club of Greater Dallas

Dallas, Texas — July 14, 2011 — CommGlobalTeleVista, the 5th largest telecommunications corporation in the United States that was featured in Richard Arneson’s novel Citizen Dick, announced today that it has signed a three-year agreement with The Boys & Girls Club of Greater Dallas, committing extensive volunteer support and offering high speed Internet and wireless services to the youths at a discount.

“CommGlobalTeleVista is extremely proud to be associated with such a fine, admirable institution as The Boys & Girls Club of Greater Dallas. I’d love to commit our assistance to their clubs in other parts of the country, but, at present, we’re stretched a little thin in the philanthropy department,” said Noble Tud, CommGlobalTeleVista’s CEO. “Maybe those kids can hold on until our agreement with The Greater Fort Lauderdale Clown College expires. We underestimated the number of scholarships we’d have to hand out, but we’re putting a lot of clowns on the streets, and I guess that’s a good thing. And I’m fairly sure they’ll all use our services at some point down the road. 

“Also, I travel extensively to our other offices around the country, and I don’t see a lot of poor, troubled youths hanging around outside. I do see a lot of their parents, but they don’t need big brothers and sisters. And, really, underprivileged kids probably have a lot of big brothers and sisters already, given the rabbit-like spawning of the poor.”

Tud scoffs at complaints lodged by several former CommGlobalTeleVista employees that the company is merely looking for free labor to replace the 125 call center workers they laid off last month. He insists the company’s requirement that served youths must work at least 10 hours a week in its call center is merely an effort to provide skills they’ll be able to take with them when they enter the workforce.

“Anybody can take a kid to a ballgame or an amusement park,” said Tud. “We want to get these kids thinking about their future. There’s a red ass-world waiting for them, so there’s no better time than the present to prepare them for it. Of course a kid would have a ball eating cotton candy, riding roller coasters, and going to the zoo. But we’ll be readying needy kids for life in a cube wearing a headset and responding to customer complaints eight hours a day. Sure, if you’re a half-empty thinker, then, yes, you might consider it free labor. But we’re not half-empty thinkers at CommGlobalTeleVista. We’re not even half-full thinkers. Our thinking is totally full of it! And that just might pay off for us one day.”
 
At day’s end, CommGlobalTeleVista’s stock price leveled off at $9.09 per share, due to no reason anybody could think of.

For additional information about CommGlobalTeleVista’s sponsorship of The Boys & Girls Club of Greater Dallas, go to http://www.commglobaltelevista.com/  and do a search on ”One of the many ways we’ve reduced our labor costs.”

CommGlobalTeleVista is a global telecommunications corporation employing over 44,000 cynical employees in twenty-two offices on four continents, even though they only offer services on three. Offering lucrative bonuses to employees who remain in their position for over three months, CommGlobalTeleVista owns and operates thousands of domestic, fiber optic miles that traverse the country in no particular form or fashion. CommGlobalTeleVista sells long distance and data service, cell phones, spotty wireless connectivity, pre-paid calling cards, meat byproducts, 1 1/2G service, soup-to-nuts animal sexing services, the key to making people’s lives more livable, a couple of industry awards that were given in the latter part of the 20th Century. It’s also prepping underprivileged youths for a future in Corporate America. 

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