December 2010
11 posts
WikiLeaks' Assange: "Byte Man? Ooooh, I'm so...
SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA—It’s been over 13 years since the U.S. government and the United Superheroes Union (USU) has had an agreement in place, but President Obama is feeling more pressure than any of his predecessors to move those negotiations along, which have entered week 785.
Not since Compound Fracture Man disconnected his right leg at the tendons, then clubbed a bank robber with his...
Will & Kate Plus...Zero?
LONDON, ENGLAND—They’ve had to wait almost 30 years for the event, but Great Britain is now gearing up for another royal wedding, this one for Prince William of Wales, the 28-year-old son of the last bride, Diana, Princess of Wales, who died in a 1995 automobile accident.
Kate Middleton, the bride to be who will be known as Her Royal Highness Catherine of Wales upon taking her nuptial vows on...
Rankel’s Censure Rankles Boehner
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In light of the proposed censure of Representative Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.) due to his spate of ethics violations, there are several House members pledging their support of a proposal that will add to their stable of punishments, which, along with censure, includes reprimands and expulsion.
Ohio Republican representative John Boehner, the frontrunner to become the 61st Speaker of...
Senator Baucus to California: "Anybody home?"
SACRAMENTO, CA.—An unemployed Californian could probably care less as long as food’s on the table and a roof’s over their head, but their state’s debt load is spiraling out of control due in large part to the $40 million a day they’re borrowing from the federal government to cover the costs of unemployment benefits. But state legislators didn’t begin to take real notice until the government to...
Off The Grid and Onto The Wheel
CASTROVILLE, CA.—On average, they weigh about 6 ounces and grow to a length of 4 inches, but Chuckie Swill saw them as enormous sources of power and energy and what he hoped would land him enough money to pay off his house, retire early, and buy a bass boat or two. But what Swill didn’t bank on was the enormous source of power and energy a huge corporation can generate once it catches a whiff of...
Toyota Encouraged By Its Own Ineptitude
TOKYO, JAPAN — Toyota, which has come under intense scrutiny for its sundry recalls in the past two years, has switched its corporate direction gears twice in the last month, and is now, according to Satoshi Ozawa, Executive Vice President of its Boxy Designs Division, fully committed to maintaining its position as the biggest automaker in the world.
After three different sets of recalls in 2009...
NPTA Prez: "We're electing children!"
ALEXANDRIA, VA.—It’s here again, election day, but the National Parent-Teacher Association (NPTA) hopes this will be the last without their hands-on involvement, intense scrutiny and proposed disciplinary measures.
The 103-year-old association, which helps to facilitate parental participation in public schools, has determined the best way to clean up the United State’s election process is for...
Actors Learn New Meaning to the Word "Cut"
HOLLYWOOD, CA.—In its latest attempt to bolster ratings and revenue, TLC, one of the many cable networks successfully producing a wide variety of reality shows, has made its mark on the genre by featuring one of two things: celebrities in rehab, or the day-to-day operations of hospital emergency rooms. So on Monday, November 1st , the network will premiere Celebrity ER, its latest creation that...
Super Hamstrung
GOTHAM CITY—As the two ex-cons drove away with over $37,000 in cash and coins stolen they’d just stolen from a Brinks truck, the only thing one of the most renowned superheroes in the world could do was breathe their exhaust and try to memorize the plates on the stolen, midnight blue Mini-Cooper as it sped off into the night.
While clutching his right hamstring, Batman (aka The Caped Crusader)...
No Crime, No Problem
LOS ANGELES, CA.—With nothing close to the fanfare and subsequent accolades NBC’s hit comedy 30 Rock received for the live episode it aired on October 14th, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, another of the network’s shows, produced a live episode of their crime drama the night before.
“Wet”, which was the title of the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’s episode that aired last Wednesday...
Barbie: "Why won't my phone stop ringing?"
El Segundo, CA—The Mattel Corporation, the makers of the Barbie Doll, which celebrated its 51st birthday in March, has announced the next phase of life into which the once stunning, blonde bombshell will enter.
“I got the idea when my house was foreclosed on last October,” said Chet Lam, Mattel’s Senior Vice President of Marketing for their Toys Girls Emulate Division. “Even though I was making...